Romeo, Michael & Juliet

A war breaks out between Michael and the dwarf, triggering the exchanging of a series of petty tricks. They attempt to reconcile their differences through a succession of negotiations with each party claiming territory in the Southgate Shopping Complex.

Michael soon meets the girl of his dreams, Juliet, who he takes on a romantic date to his favorite places, including the cemetery, an abattoir, a junkyard and canoeing down a sewer.

However Michael soon becomes distraught when Juliet abruptly refuses to see him again. A new beau, Romeo, a young, stylish theatrical actor begins to chase the affections of Juliet.

A desperate Michael promptly enlists the aid of his decadent friend, Peter, who gets Romeo drunk and disorderly outside Juliet's townhouse, leading to his arrest.

When next at the Southgate arcade, Michael bumps into the dwarf. Suddenly he becomes mortified as Juliet appears, announcing that the dwarf is her father. An angry dwarf asserts that Michael is to keep away from her.

Michael reacts furiously and pulls out a secret weapon, a rubber wind-up toad. The dwarf responds by quickly pulling out a hidden bible. A stand off occurs with each man threatening to release each other's version of kryptonite.

The cops soon arrive to pacify Michael before arresting him.

Eventually Michael, the dwarf, Juliet and Romeo end up at the drive-inn together, where an embarrassed dwarf explains that Juliet has a crush on him and that he persuaded Romeo to date her in order to avert her sick incestuous lust.

The dwarf demands that any future dating between Michael and Juliet must be under his strict guidance as a chaperone.

Michael has one last ace up his sleeve, a hidden rubber toad in the box of roasted almonds that's been specially prepared.